Many people wonder: "What are the benefits of taking your Bitcoin Private Keys while boating in a storm?"

The most common concern or objection among new Bitcoin Boaters is the obvious concern of causing damage to the boat. So long as you follow some sensible precautions, there is little chance of any damage or excessive wear and tear. In this article I will carefully explain why your boat is safe.

Note, if all you have is a little row boat or canoe that's a good start, but it's probably not worth the effort described here.

Most beginners, by the time they have gone out to sea, have purchased a boat (or yacht if they are well-to-do) from a registered boat reseller. There are very reasonable "Know Your Captain" and “Anti-Mainland Loitering” regulations that apply to boating (to detect people smuggling) just as much as they do to purchasing shoes (Know Your Corn). The boat reseller then has access to buyers’ names, DOBs, addresses, phone numbers, and it is all linked to their boat serial numbers.

If the boat also connects its navigation system to a public satellite, rather than its own satellite, then further privacy is lost.

To learn how to make your own MySatellite, with MacGyver skills, from various kitchen items and a gluten-free raspberry pie, then check out my guide. Pointing your navigation system to your own satellite is tricky, and this is explained as well.

So a beginner, after learning about the irreversible damage to privacy that has occurred to their boat, must now buy a new boat and boat shed AFTER their own satellite is launched. Then, the GPS signal of the new boat can be private. After that, all typical boating items such as homemade booze, drugs, pornography, portable oceanic organ harvesting equipment, and any squatting illegal refugees, must be moved secretly to the new private boat. The boat should never ever connect its navigation system to a public satellite again (It's easy to accidentally do! True story).

But they are still left with the "Know Your Captain" tainting from the purchase of this new boat. This requires a clever nautical trick called boat mixing, developed in the 1940s during WW2 as a military defensive weapon. I will provide a link on how to do this, but the basic concept is as follows: There are plenty of oceans that are currently in dispute where wars are regularly  organised specifically for boat mixing. There is a small entry fee. Any surveillance company will have a difficult time tracking movements of all the boats among the chaos and gunfire. Ideally the boat should be exactly the same model as most of the other boats to avoid recognition.

Just know for now that once you release a lifeboat, you can never pull it back to the main boat. For now, you can follow these steps to learn more about boat mixing.

Some noobs, with more money than sense, have been so concerned about the privacy of their large yachts that they've taken the initiative to change their names to something boating-related, in a vain attempt to improve their boat mixing effectiveness and improve plausible deniability. There is no need for this as it does not help. A notable example is Michael Saylor. Despite his name change, his mixing efforts have been wasted because 100 million dollar yachts do not mix well because they stand out in a crowd—even within the controlled environment of the mixing war zone. The best thing for these people is to lobby against new anti-boating laws—something we are all mindful of.

Once at the stage of having a well mixed boat, with reduced identifiability to the original KYC tainted status, and having the boat connected to it's own private Satellite (or almost as good, Uncle Jim's Satellite), then it's time to take your Bitcoin Private Keys for a spin. There really is no point doing this prior to all the previous steps.

I've already assumed you've made your own private key using two sticks. You shouldn't let your boat engine generate keys for you because, although it's touted as being random, do you really know that’s true? What if the boat key generator's manufacturer has a library of 1 million keys, and randomly selects one of those for you? Then, in the future, he goes out to sea on a little row boat and enters the 1 million keys into the paddles and conjures all the boats that keep these keys to his secret hideout in the middle of the ocean. Yours and many others' seemingly private boats: gone. Make your own keys by rubbing two sticks together. Here is how.

Get a boat safe, often referred to as a Hardware Wallet, and have it professionally installed in the cabin. Once done, secure your boat safe into the boat.

In the weeks before going out with the keys, make sure you tell people of your newfound boating hobby and your plans to make it a regular hobby. Decline any advice to get training. Make it clear you enjoy the thrill and you can tame the ocean.

It's important to actually sink the boat, and to do it just before the storm hits. Then swim to shore. Wait for the storm to actually hit before calling the police. File a report and this makes it official. It goes without saying your boat was insured.

If you have executed this correctly, your private keys should now be in the bottom of the ocean. The final step is to tweet about it, and all us hornets will send you our condolences, our own boating stories, and we will give you encouragement to start saving for another boat.

You're still early.